What causes a man to cheat?
It’s simple really, he’s checked out of the relationship. That means he no longer places a high value on his partnership with you, he has thought about the consequences of being caught and losing you and is potentially ok with that outcome.
Not all betrayals are sexual, some are emotional affairs where your partner is choosing to share personal details & feelings with someone other than you, a work colleague, someone who shares a mutual interest with them, the woman who is ‘just a friend’.
The sad reality when relationships break up is that most women blame themselves. They think, what did I do wrong?
Even in this modern era where women enjoy the most rights we have ever had, some of us are still stuck with a pre-feminism mindset that we need to do particular things to keep our man or he may be justified in straying;
A – be available for sexual relations at his behest lest he look elsewhere;
This fails to take into consideration extenuating circumstances like pregnancy, complications from pregnancy, illness, how overwhelmed mothers are today & that sometimes sleep is preferable to sex, bottom line is that a woman’s body is her own and she always has the right to say no
B – stay as attractive as possible to our partner lest he look elsewhere because we have ‘let ourselves go’;
Once again failing to take into consideration factors such as the general ageing process, pregnancy, breastfeeding, the relentless demands of looking after a family, trying to achieve work/life balance in our careers, maintaining a social life, spending quality time with our partner, it’s little wonder that sometimes going to the gym slides down the priority list, confidence comes from within, love yourself and the rest will follow
C – keep tabs on our partner and restrict his freedom due to our own insecurities;
It is not our job to be our partner’s keeper, he is a grown man who is responsible for his own actions and needs to be accountable for his behaviour, it’s healthy to maintain individual lives with separate interests and friends, just because he is doing something without you shouldn’t be cause for concern he will cheat, likewise go out with the girls and give him time apart to miss you ?
Cheating is a betrayal of the highest order. It has the power to destroy families, love, trust, commitment, loyalty & memories ? It’s the failure of the person who chooses to cheat to communicate their unmet needs and desires, the rest are just excuses. If they need validation, reassurance, love, to strengthen their emotional connection with you, they must first open their heart to demonstrate and reciprocate.
What can exacerbate the heartbreak is that it’s usually the times when women need their partner the most that affairs occur, new house, new baby, career promotion that requires longer hours etc. Men are more likely to cheat when they are feeling emotionally dissatisfied, basically they want to feel appreciated and valued at home. This is why it’s so important to build a solid foundation of mutual respect, honesty and love to be able to weather the challenging times.
If it happens, first decide if you are capable of forgiveness or if it’s a deal-breaker. It takes two to tango, women generally always blame the mistress for stealing their man when the truth is you can’t steal someone who didn’t willingly consent to it. If your man cheats he doesn’t love you. He chose someone else, whether that is temporarily or permanently. The strength of the sisterhood lies in uniting not dividing, follow the rule of not sleeping with married men and you won’t knowingly destroy another woman’s life.
Female intuition is powerful & we know when things aren’t right, when our suspicions are raised, stories feel fabricated or are blatant lies, when who we are is being devalued by his actions, when we start to doubt ourselves because he tells us we’re crazy/jealous, when he’s covering his tracks or acting out of character, these are real signs that the relationship has become toxic & it’s time to evaluate your options.
The true test of character is in the decisions we make, the actions we take, the hearts we don’t break. Love is a ever-changing dynamic, it can be molded by circumstance, diminished by indifference, inflamed by desire. Love is pure of heart. At its root is trust, if you can’t trust the one you love, it’s not really love.